


The BEST Paul x Reader fic EVER

by LayWright



Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: Action & Romance, Fluff and Crack, Hurt/Comfort, Other, Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-04
Updated: 2016-07-14
Packaged: 2018-06-06 09:50:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6748885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LayWright/pseuds/LayWright
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are absolutely no Paul x Reader fanfics SO HERE WE GOOO.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Meeting

**Author's Note:**

> It was so late at night let me live

      One day, you were walking down the street. You just got back from the store, or something. You were just carrying a SHIT TON of bags. So you were walking, and then it started to rain. Damn, you gotta get back home because your groceries or something were getting wet. So you just, started running which was DUMB because you slipped and dropped everything.

 

“Need help?”

 

You look up, and the first thing you see are two BEAUTIFUL, LUSCIOUS EYEBROWS. They were stunning. They were singing to you. Oh right. Their owner was talking to you.

 

“Uh yeah, thanks.” You said, and took the man’s hand as he helped you up. You didn’t focus much on the guy himself. Your eyes were still fixated on those GLORIOUS eyebrows. They were… So big… So soft looking…

 

“Um, what the fuck.” The man said and you realized you just started TOUCHING SOME RANDOM GUY’S EYEBROWS WITHOUT THINKING. 

 

_ ‘What the fuck [name]? You don’t just start touching a stranger’s eyebrows without asking. That’s RUDE AS FUCK.’  _ You thought to yourself. “Uh, oops.” You said and lowered your hand. “By the way my name is [Name].”

 

Because that’s what strangers do when they first meet. Immediately introduce themselves. Checkmate.

 

“The name’s Paul.” He said.

 

“Nice to meet you brows- I mean Paul.”

 

Wow, you already fucked it up.

 

You BLUSHED apparently because SUDDENLY YOU WERE IN  **_LOVE._ ** That made sense.

 

THOSE EYEBROWS WERE HYPNOTIZING. OH MY GOD THEY WERE STARING INTO YOUR SOUL- Oh right, Paul is talking.

 

“So, your groceries are fucked so, that sucks.” He said and got a cigarette out of his pocked. GOD PAUL IT’S RAINING IT’S NOT GONNA FUCKING WORK. But somehow. SOMEHOW. IT just did. Don’t ask questions you’re not prepared to know the answer to. 

 

“AW SHUCKS.” You said, snapping your fingers ominously. Paul just stared at you for like, a few seconds. WOW you’re looking at those brows again, MM.

 

“SO UH. You fREE tonight because I know we just met but that doesn’t stop love-  Di d I jsut say love i meant FUCK YOU.” You said and ripped off one of Paul’s eyebrows then put it back on again. He was unfazed. He is a God.

 

Paul just stares. He doesn’t blink. You can feel gaze and it feels goo- I mean weird. No. “Sure. I should mention I eat about 20 cigarettes a day.” He said and just ate the fucking cigarette. “Good for your… Digestion.”

 

MAN HE IS A GENIUS. YOUR LEGS FEEL WEAK AS FUCK. OH MAN JUST MAKE ME YOURS PAUL.

 

“So where should we go, [Name]?”

 

“Uh…” QUICK THINK OF SOMETHING. “McDonald’s.”

 

Nailed it.

 

Paul just shrugged. “Ok sure. Whenever.” He said and suddenly it was nighttime damn how long have you guys been standing there in the RAIN.

 

“Oh look it’s time for our date so let’s go to McDonald’s.” You say and just drag Paul into a wormhole, leaving all of your groceries on the sidewalk because fuck that.

 

YOU ARE AT MCDONALD’S.

 

You order like 564839834 McNuggets and Paul orders one burger. He just, opens up his burger when you sit down and dumps a whole carton of cigarettes on it, then closes it again. You start shoving handfuls of nuggets into your mouth. Handfuls and handfuls, ketchup dripping down your chin. Paul just held his burger up to his eyebrows… And they absorbed it. The entire burger was GONE.

 

WOW THIS GUY WAS FUCKING HOT. DO YOU EVER JUST WANT TO LICK AN EYEBROW.

 

You think you have an eyebrow kink.

 

Then the two of you finished your food, when Paul suddenly took your hand. “[Name]... We’ve only known each other for like, an hour but I think… I love you…” AND YOU BLUSHED LIKE WOAH MAN. OOOOH MAN.

 

And then you made out for like, ever. It wAS HOT. AND YOU DON’T REMEMBER THE REST BUT YOU MIGHT’VE MADE OUT WITH HIS EYEBROW TOO.

 

Anyways, you were then both on the roof of McDonald’s. Looking at the moon. Because when the moon hit your eye… Like a big fucking pizza pie. THAT'S AMORE.

 

“This is fucking lame.” You said and Paul just started rapping out of nowhere. WOAH SHIT. Oooh man. You just fanned yourself as he bust out those sick rhymes. This man was so incredibly hot. HOT LIKE TATER TOT.

 

“[Name] we should get married.” Paul said after he was done rapping. You were like… Holy fuck yes??? Even though you just met THAT DAY. Man, this was the best day ever holy shit. Oh my god you were crying. 

 

“Yes!!! Yes I will marry you!!!” You shouted and made out with Paul again. Man. Best day EVER.

 

And you guys got married and had like, 7584392012938477839200293485748392034958 kids. It was fucking amazing.

 

The End.


	2. Conflict!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You are living your normal life with Paul, when suddenly he finds out the truth!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mild emetophobia warning.

      It was a very NORMAL day. Like super fucking normal. And you were feeding kid number 155 when Paul, our hubby, walked in with a very GRAVE look on his face.

 

“Oh sweetie pie, buns, baby cakes, honey bear, cinnamon face, lcuky charms, fruit loops, cheesecake bites, fruit salad, peek a boo bear, what is wrong?” You asked him and just placed kid #155 on the floor. The kid just flew away. Right through the roof. No one cared.

 

“[Name]...” He began, reaching up to readjust his eyebrows because they were kinda falling off now. “Is it true… That you only liked me for my eyebrows?” He said and you froze in your tracks. Shit. SHIT. SHIT.

 

You just laughed, and shoved him playfully. His eyebrow fell off so you just picked it up and reattached it for him. “Pffff noooo. What? That;s not true babe shhhhhhh”

 

But Paul just stared at you. “All 7584392012938477839200293485748392034958 of our kids have my eyebrows. Some didn’t even have my eyebrows before and now suddenly they do. [Name]...” His eyebrows grew EXTREME. “I saw you performing a magic ritual to make their eyebrows grow!”

 

FUCK. HE FOUND YOU OUT.

 

You jsut screamed at him for 12 hours. Not any words. You just screeched because FUCK. And then Paul just started crying like a shit ton. You fucjked up man you f c ucked up.Then Paul just TORE OFF HIS EYEBROWS THEN ATE THEM. HE ATE HIS OWN EYEBROWS HOLY SHIT. “Fine! No one gets the eyebrows then!”

 

Oh god he was eyebrowless. It was so unnatural you jsut died a little on the inside and threw up in your mouth a little. Ewww.

 

Then Paul just ran out the door while crying a literal river. There was water everywhere gfdi Paul you had to clean that all up. But most importantly, you hurt your husband’s heart, and lost his beautiful eyebrows as a result. You were a MONSTER.

 

You ran out, leaving your good ol pals Tord and Tom that you met like 2 days ago with all 7584392012938477839200293485748392034958 of your kids. Which is fine. They’re fine. They just hide out in your cupboards so it was easy for them to watch after the kids.

 

You had to find your husband!!!! Where is he???

 

You call out to him, TEARS falling down your face. You run fast. Very fast. Super fucking fast. You know someone who could help you.

 

You reach a door and kick it down, then dash in and punch a guy so hard in the face he explodes. That was Patryk, Paul’s BFF. You put the man back together and slap him. “PAT I NEED YOUR HELP PAUL RAN AWAY.”

 

Pat literally made the ‘:O’ face and just began floating. You punch him again because NOW’S NOT THE TIME FOR THAT. He just cries and is on the ground again. “Ok I’ll help you find him. I think I know where he might be!!! Follow MEEEEEE!!!” He said and soared away on a rainbow.

 

He was gone.

 

So you ran after him, following his beautiful trail. God, Patryk was so majestic. You meant this in a platonic way. Paul was the only one for you.

 

You journeyed for days, weeks and months. Following Patryk across the world. You met Edd in the parking lot of a Wal-Mart, having robbed the entire store of it’s cola. He was climbing on the building, and once he got to the roof, began chugging every cola he could. The cops were surrounding the building. You floated on top of the building and extended a hand.

 

“Hi” You said with a AMAZING smile. “I’m [Name]! Help me and Patryk find my husband!” You said and Edd devoured the remaining colas, then took your hand. You both flew away with Patryk, leaving the cops behind.

 

You continued, soaring over mountains and running on top of the ocean. Then you looked up at the sun, staring at it for HOURS AND HOURS. There was a person walking down from the sun! He was a ginger man. Not a gingerbread man.

 

“Hi I’m Matt! I know all about you [Name]! I’ve come to help you on your journey. Because you and Paul were made for each other. You and Paul are going to save the world!!!” He said and you gasped! You really have to find him! So Matt the sun god joined you!

 

FUCK THE COPS FOLLOWED YOU.

 

THEIR CARS WERE FLYING AT YOU AT TOP SPEED. SIRENS WAILING. FUCKIGN SHIT EDD WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO US. You took Edd’s hand, then PAt’s, then grew a third arm to take Matt’s too. “I got this” you said then YOU RAN FASTER THAN SONIC. NYOOM. FUCK ING SHIT.

 

This isn’t as funny as the last adventure but fuck you.

 

For a moment you guys entered another world. Goign so fast you broke the sound barrier. THE SCREAMS OF THE DAMNED COULD BE HEARD ALL AROUND YOU. Then you arrived at your destination. It was back in your town, at the McDonald’s you met Paul at. You found him, in the back crying and eating several packs of cigarettes whole. Box and all.

You walked up to him and sat next to him. “Paul… Baby pea, egg whites, sugar bear, bear eggs, sweet diddly darn dang hecking salmon eye…. I love you 5ever. Like 4ever but more than that. I love you for you, not just ur eyebrows. Bb.”

 

Paul looked up at you, and in a surge of happiness, his eyebrows grew back! “Oh [Name] I knew it !!! I’m so happy!” he shouted and you guys just made out again, for 2 weeks while the other three clapped for u two.

 

Then suddenly! A giant monster rose out of the round! “[Name]! At last we meet!” It screeched, and you stood up against it. Finally… The time has come.

 

What will happen next? Find out in chapter 3!


	3. it's the final countdown (ddoo do dooo doo)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final battle is at hand!! Will you, Paul and co save the world or will you all jsut freaking die?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter guys!! It's gonna be a wild ride!!! like n subscribe to my channel if you like what you see and thanks for wtaching

          “You… What do you want?” You asked the large monster from the last chapter, who stared at you with it’s many eyes. They were f ucking disgsuting wow ew

“[Name]... You and the Eyebrowed Menace are part of a prophecy! You are the chosen ones who will save the world and I can’t let that happen!” It said and did a signature anime laugh but at a lower pitch so it wasn’t copyrighted.

You gasped!!! Prophecy! You two were huge mary-sues-  I mean heros! You turned to Matt the sun god. “Sun God! You knew we were gonna save the world n shit! What do I do!?” You exclaimed, and the Sun God just kinda shrugged.

“Idk man uh let me think, I gotta remember…” He said and pulled out a mirror, then continued to stare at it adoringly. You watched him for a moment, then looked back at the monster just as Matt started making out with his reflection. Quick! You had to buy some time for the Sun God! He has to remember!

The monster roared! It’s breath was soooo rotten that everyone’s hair burned off then grew back again, 5 times! You rubbed the acid out of your eyes (The acid came from it’s breath) and looked at Paul! “Babe!!! Sweet sugar baby bean!” You called out and took his hand. You knew that you’ll both get through this… Because love always prevails! Suddenly you heard a voice and looked back. Tom and Tord were there with all 7584392012938477839200293485748392034958 of your kids! That gave you an idea that would definitely buy some time. You and Paul glanced at each other and nodded before running to them all!

“Quick guys! Throw them!” You shouted and picked up a kid, then fUCJKin thrEw them at the monster! BULLSEYE! It hit one of i t’s eyes and it roared angrily! You both threw kids at the speed of fast! And then Edd joined in, then so did Patryk! Tord went sailing right into the creature’s mouth and it nearly choked on all of that Communism. Oops you threw Tord, you just realized but OH WELL you’ll get him back later.

“[Name] this was a brilliant idea!!” Paul shouted and Patryk nodded in agreement. “You’re so smart!! It’s suuuuper sexy like wow my eyebrows are sw eating” He said and wiped at his eyebrows. Sweat was literally pouring out of them like waterfalls. You wanted to DRINK it but not now. You gotta wait to do the nasty. Right now you gotta save za warudo (the world). But then you ran out of kids! The ones who fell ran off or some shit, you didn’t really pay attention to them when they landed. “SHIT!!!” Paul SCREECHED and the monster laughed!

“It’s all useless, useless, useless!” The monster laughtered and waved it’s tentacles. “You will all be defeated and I’ll take over the universe! IT’s all going according to keikaku*!!” It seemed determined but you wouldn’t give up! You gotta beat this thing! For Paul! For the WOOORLD. You turned to Matt and took the mirror, slapping with it before throwing it off screen. It exploded or some shit, and you stared Matt right in the eyes.

“Matt! Oh Sun God! We need you to remember! Think!” You begged him. Matt stared at you for an hour, then nodded his head. Yes! You’ll beat this monster in no time!

Matt got into a weird squatting position, eyebrows furrowed and hands on his temples. “Hhhhhhhhghhhh brain b laaast” he said in a strained voice. His hands started to glow, and a holy noise was heard coming from no where. He was remembering! The secret to defeating this awful beast!

KABOOM!

Matt exploded, then slowly regenerated from nothing. “I did it! I remembered!” He said, and turned to Paul. “You have a secret hidden in you! You just have to find it! Do you have a hidden weapon?” He asked, and paul thought about it for a moment.

“Oh!!! I do! I don’t keep them in my eyebrows because that’s dangerous and waaaaay too obvious!” He said, then reached and pulled a sword out of his ass along with some other dude. Edd stared at the other dude angrily… It was Eduardo… But then he realized it was just a cardboard cutout of him instead.

Paul handed the sword to you. “[Name]... I’ve been keeping this sword with me in case of an emergency! Now is the time to use it and it should be used by you!!! Save us all!!!” He said and you took the sword. It was warm and it was glowing in your hands! The monster roared in fear at the sight of it… Finally, you can beat it with your mary-sue powers…

“HYAAAA” You leaped like 3432384 feet in the air at the monster and hit its eye! It screeched and everyone cheered. But then the monster hit back and sent you FLYING over everyone’s heads, and around the world 80 times before you hit the McDonald’s sign with a SMACK. The McDonald’s sign exploded, and Tom screamed in horror. That was his favorite sign…

Paul rushed over to you and kneeled down, his eyebrow starting to melt off of his face. “[Name]!!! Nooo!!! Fight through it!!!” He begged but you shook your head.

“B-baka chan… I… I’m dying…” You said weakly, and Paul began to cry a shit ton. There was a ton of blood… Blood and tears creates a lot of salt. The salt was getting in your wounds and it hurt like a waffle iron to the face. “Paul… I will always love you no matter what… I love you for you and I love your eyebrows too… I’m glad we had 7584392012938477839200293485748392034958 kids together and met some kick ass friends along the way…” You said. Paul started beat boxing slowly out of sadness, and you understood what he was trying to say. He was saying he loved you too more than anything, and then he stopped beat boxing to kiss you!

That’s when you felt it… The surging power… You can’t give up! You sat up so quickly that you headbutt Paul and sent him flying. You grabbed the sword again and jumped, spiking him to the ground safely. Your wounds healed due to some magical love shit, and you charged at the monster. “How could I be so foolish! I can;t die now! Not when I have my friends fighting beside me! Not when I have Paul with me! I will defeat you, evil-monster-thing-that-was-never-given-a-name!!” You screamed, your hair turned yellow and you flew faster at it! The monster screamed in fear! Then, you gently poked it with the sword… And it blew up. The monster disintegrated… And you gently floated to the ground. Everyone except for Tord crowded around you, placing their hands on your face.

“You did it, [Name]!” Edd shouted happily.

Patryk was screaming very loudly, fear in his eyes. You can tell he was very happy for you.

Matt nodded, arms crossed. “Just like the prophecy said… Just like the prophecy said… Just like the prophecy said… Just like the prophecy-”

Paul pciked you up in his biiig strong arms and you swooned. “You did it, [Name]! I’m so proud of you! I knew you could do it!” He said and the two of you made out yet again. The world was saved thanks to you. Thanks to you and Paul’s love. Thanks to Paul’s ass sword, which you returned to him.

“I couldn’t have done it without you…” You said and licked his eyebrow. Everyone cheered, tears were shed, and Tord was no where to be found. Tom was still crying over the freaking McDonald’s sign.

And everyone lived happily ever after…

  
  
  


What a story….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *(Translator's note: Keikaku means plan.)


End file.
